W08: Beware of Pride

One of the major themes in the Book of Mormon is what we refer to as “the pride cycle.”  The stories of various civilizations in the Book of Mormon illustrate again and again what can happen to even the most righteous people when they succumb to pride.


This pride cycle usually begins with a righteous person or people who love and honor God.  This righteousness naturally invites blessings of peace and prosperity, from which eventually grow feelings of superiority and even entitlement.  The people then forget to honor and obey the God from whom the blessings were given and instead begin to separate themselves from one another based on worldly things such as clothing and riches.  Inevitably, this leads to war and contention and often the loss of many lives, until the people are sufficiently humbled and begin to call upon the Lord once more for protection.  After a period of repentance, the people are once again brought close to the Lord and begin to live righteously, and once again enjoy the prosperity and peace that follows.  Unfortunately, this is about the time the cycle starts all over again.

The Marriage Pride Cycle

We can find this same cycle at work in our homes and in our marriages.  We might enjoy periods of closeness and harmony with our spouse, but eventually our pride gets the better of us and we begin to notice things about our spouse that we dislike.  We might nag, nitpick, or judge one another until we begin to feel distance from our spouse, rather than closeness.  This is contrary to what the Lord would have us do.  Our Savior is the ultimate example of humility and patience, and He wants us to emulate Him in all things, including in our marriages.  President Ezra Taft Benson said,

“Our degree of pride determines how we treat our God and our brothers and sisters.  Christ wants to lift us to where he is.  Do we desire to do the same for others?”1

This made me carefully consider all the times I tend to nag my husband or criticize even gently the way he does things around the house.  What is the motivation for this?  I’m certainly not nagging and criticizing because I’m hoping this will elevate my husband to a more Christlike place.  Rather, this tendency to criticize comes from a place of pride – from feeling like I know best how to do things and that he needs my guidance in these everyday things.  This leads to tension in our home and in our hearts.  In reality, these little things are not as important as showing appreciation, patience, support, and forgiveness to my spouse.  I can choose to let go of these things and focus on the good in my husband instead.  President Benson also taught,

“God will have a humble people.  Either we can choose to be humble, or we can be compelled to be humble.”2

I certainly want to repent of my own pride and choose to be humble, rather than having to be compelled by the Lord through trials and suffering, and to learn about humility the hard way!

The Antidote to Pride: Repentance

image via: Army of Helaman
Family Life Specialist, Dr. H. Wallace Goddard, has the following to say about avoiding the pitfalls of pride,

“The natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others.  God has asked us to do the opposite.  We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others.”3

When was the last time you felt truly changed and uplifted by the nagging criticism of others?  How often does someone treating us with contempt and haughtiness lead us to make positive changes in our habits?  My guess is, almost never.  However, we are often influenced and changed by another’s patience, compassion, empathy, or loyalty to us, even when we recognize that we may not deserve it.  If we truly want to uplift and encourage our spouses, then we should show them an increase of love rather than pride.  When we recognize that we, too, have flaws and focus our efforts on repenting and keeping our hearts open to the messages of the Holy Spirit, we will be less inclined to criticize our spouse and more inclined to reach out to them in love.  Dr. Goddard goes on to say,

“Any time we feel irritated with our spouses, that irritation is not an invitation to call our spouses to repentance but an invitation to call ourselves to repent.  We are irritated because of our own lack of faith and humility.”4


If this is true, then one of the best things we can do for our marriages is to cultivate an attitude of humility.  When we avoid the negativity associated with pride, we can focus instead on showing love and gratitude for one another.  This helps us grow the bonds of friendship and respect, and strengthens our family relationships.

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